Could someone read over my college admissions essay?Thankss!?

You cover a lot of ground in this essay, a bit hard to read because it wasn't broken down into paragraphs, but you were able able to weave your devotion to community service in a nice chronological way. Your use of personal examples and actual benefit to others was also good. I also did not get your ending sentence, it started strong so I hope it finished that way. hope this helps a bit good luck...ps where re you applying?